Looking for an inspirational queer film to kick off the new year we landed on “We Are Dad’ a documentary from 2005 about a couple of gay men who so much more deserve sainthood than Mother Theresa! This is the tale of Steven Lofton and Roger Croteau a pair of Pediatric AIDS nurses who had been a couple for the past 18 years since they had met in a training school in Florida.
This was the 1980’s at the height of the AIDS pandemic which was a death sentence for those in the minority communities that were affected, particularly the LGBTQ one. Babies were been born to women with AIDS …. cruelly labeled ‘crack whore babies’ …. because most of their mothers were drug addicts. Most of these had been abandoned and not expected to reach their second birthdays, but that didn’t stop Steven and Roger from fostering one, then another, then another.
For these unwanted babies, this was a lifeline so much so, after careful treatment one of them actually tested negative at the age of 5. When Florida’s Children Department learned of this they insisted that they would need to take him away for adoption i.e. with a straight couple.
This wonderfully thought-proving movie made by the couple’s friend Michel Horvat is not the tale of militant activists or even martyrs, but just a pair of middle-aged gay men deciding to use their professional abilities and a great deal of love to make this patchwork family.
The home-video footage sees them set a strict daily regimen for all of the children From handing out all the medications first thing in the morning to overseeing them doing their shares of the daily chores. It seems so at odds with all the interviews interspersed throughout the film with right-wing pundits spouting off about how totally suitable gay people would be as parents. They spewed out all the usual hate-filled cliches that so viciously and unjustly condemned anyone that didn’t fit in with their narrow twisted take on life. Yet none would come close to grasping the realities of HIV+ positive kids and offering any viable alternatives.
Steven and Roger knew that taking The State of Florida to court to overturn the Adoption Ban would only be disruptive to their family and subjective than to much nasty rhetoric. So their lawyers carved out a deal with the State that allowed the entire family to move to a family farm in Portland Oregon This permission was necessary as technically all the kids were Wards of the State and as such, they qualified for the very essential medical cover.
Once they moved, Florida then totally reneged on the deal. On the one hand, we have a couple of outstanding foster parents of the year by the Children’s Home Society, one of Miami’s most respected kids’ social-service agencies. Whilst, on the other hand, a Children’s Services Dept that had been adjudicated as one of the worst in the country.
It also reminded me watching this that the ‘piece of work’ currently running Florida is not the first reactionary Governor we have had
Once in Oregon, the Children’s Department approached them about taking in a pair of twins born with HIV, which they naturally agreed to, As they recount the story they laugh at the fact these were the first ‘white’ kids they had fostered which shocked their existing children.
Steven Lofton and Roger Croteau’s names may not pop up when you research notable LGBTQ figures, but their selfless lives in setting such an inspiration for us all, marks their rightful place in the annals of the history of our community
This film was made in 2005 but then Florida’s 40 year old ban on gay and lesbian adoption was ruled
unconstitutional in 2010, making Florida the last state in the U.S. to take this crucial step towards equality.
BUT it took another 5 years for then Governor Rick Scott signed the official repeal of the ban into law!
We Are Dad is streaming on AMAZON PRIME
Labels: 2022, documentray, Florida, gay adoption, parenting
